The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly From The Eagles Massacring The Cardinals At The Linc

34 – 7. 3 TD passes by Wentz on the first 3 drives. Arizona didn’t even stand a chance. I didn’t think there was a way for the Cardinals to be this bad. Conversely, I didn’t think there was a way for the Eagles to be this good. This Eagles team FUCKS.

THE GOOD:

Ginger Jesus -

Buy A Shirt And Support The Jesus

21/30 for 304 yards, 4 TD’s and one forced throw that ended up in a pick while up by a billion and gunning for touchdown numero cinco. Not the end of the world. His awareness and playmaking ability is something this city hasn’t seen in a long, long time. Maybe ever. Check out his stats on third down: 11 of 12 for 225 yards (18.8 yards a pop), three TD’s, nine first downs, and a 158.3 passer rating.

Excuse me…

Wentz To The WR Almost Back To Being Known As The Nigerian Nitrous –

T.O. from the driveway mid sit-up! Not to mention @NFL has got a nice new cover background on Twitter. 24.1 MILLION people can now kiss the dick of the Nigerian Nitrous.

Jimmy S’s DEFENSE -

307 yards of pointless gains and 7 points given up throughout the day. The Cardinals only put together one, nice full drive resulting in the lone TD and for the rest of the day looked SHOOK. A very good effort without any Cox and still a mangled secondary, who is collectively playing out of their shoes as a unit. Also, the Eagles tackling was beyond impressive. A trait you very rarely notice until, well, it’s very noticeable.

THIS –

Carson needed to do the umpire home run finger swirl instead of celebrating, but A+ TD team celly nonetheless. Also, props to Torrey Smith for actually having functioning human hands for a hot second.

RIP Tom Petty –

It was a Tom Petty concert during every break on the field at the Linc, as it damn well should’ve been. It wasn’t UF (where Petty was once a groundskeeper), but the respect was still palpable.

HEART –

I give Doug Pederson a lot of shit. And by a lot of shit, we’re talking a (possibly) unnecessary amount of Triceratops from Jurassic Park big piles of poison Lilac berry infected shat. Is it all deserved? Probably not, even though the man is not without his many faults. But I’ll tell ya what, one thing I can’t deny is these guys would run through all the walls for him, and each other. Week in and week out the Eagles play with a fire in their arses and leave it all out on the field. That’s something you can’t exactly teach in a coach. Well done, Douglas.

THE BAD:

Blount Got “Slow Rolled” –

See what I did there? Fucking Dad headline journalism 101. I don’t exactly get how after LeGarrette Blount had a statement coming out party in LA he only plays in about 1.5% of the first half snaps the next game. But then again, you can’t exactly complain about 21 first quarter points. And even so he ended up with 76 yards on 14 carries. So, yeah, we’re nitpicking here, but it would be nice to see the Big Blount Roll fairly consistently throughout the game. That all being said, Clement and Barner mixed in quite nicely, as well.

THE UGLY:

When you perform a public evisceration on the field on your opponent, the only possible ugly aspect is said evisceration.

Like Washington in Week 1, the Cards looked BAD. 4 wins in 4 games they should’ve won. Regardless, 3-0 in the NFC and 2-0 in the Division is boss money honey. Shit, the Eagles have more wins than the rest of the NFC East combined. A real test comes Thursday night in Carolina. The Panthers are rolling and Cam has got his groove back. I don’t think many expect to win this one, but if they do…

4-1. This Eagles team is who we thought they were. Or not. I don’t even know. It doesn’t matter. Toast it up to first fucking place.

PS – Here’s a pregame Periscope from the Linc with an overly giddy Pops. First and last time for everything.